Greetings, petrolheads!
Today’s
post is a bit of fresh air, as it has nothing to do with Smarts. In fact, it’s
no car test whatsoever. It’s my personal view as an Industry insider and lover
about the strongest – and most lucrative – trend in recent years: The SUV boom.
This
is a trend which, like Coca-Cola and McDonalds, we Europeans (and a great deal
of other areas in the World) had to copy from the USA. However, if there is some
point in many of those products – McDonalds brings cheap food to many poor areas,
and Coca Cola’s ability for unclogging pipes never stops short of surprising –
there are very little reasons to buy an SUV.
The
upsides are easily recognisable: a slightly taller, four-wheel drive car can be
useful on icy roads or for towing capabilities, the very same things any good
off-roader can. In comparison with these, the SUV is slightly less
resource-wasteful on the road and, in theory at least, should have the edge on
maintenance costs, due to the simpler hardware being mostly carry-over from a
conventional car.
That’s
it.
Cars
such as a BMW X5, Nissan Qasqai or convertible Range Rover Evoques, just to
name a few, have no measurable upside in comparison with a comparable “conventional”
car. They may be available with small diesel engines or with rampant V8s (Audi
even went for a diesel V12 while trying to invent the first Lorry-GTI), but
they are all outclassed by “conventional” cars in their different flavours. Here’s why:
Sport SUVs
These
are bought by people with serious self-esteem problems.
An SUV will never, ever be a sports car; at
best, it’s fantastic… for an SUV.
That’s like saying cow poo smells better than pig poo. Yeah, within the –
admittedly narrow – poo subject, that may well be right; in absolute terms,
they’re all poo…
A
Mercedes-AMG GLE 63 won’t ever be as competent, or thrilling, as an E 63
Station; a Cayenne Turbo won’t ever be comparable to a Panamera and let’s not
even put BMW X6 M and M5 together on the same sentence. Would they better their
counterparts while off-roading? The Porsche would, at least as long as its
fragile air suspension works, but don’t ever forget high-speed tires weren’t really thought for traction on mud.
No.
The sole purposes of this car are either to make a middle-aged man getting
noticed or to enlarge the (small) penis of his older son. In his mind,
naturally.
Safety
This
is the argument of any soccer-mom. They need a safe mean of transportation
because they fear losing their most loved ones. Protection instinct, quite
commendable.
But here are the news: an SUV has the edge
over a comparable conventional car only if the
two directly interact on a crash, such as an head-on collision. It’s all a
matter of physics, so due to the SUV’s greater weight, its passengers will
suffer lower deceleration levels, unlike those on the lighter car. However, if
they’re crashing alone, that greater kinetic energy has to be dissipated
somehow, which generally means more body structural deformation, and therefore
more risk.
That’s
before we come to active safety, or the ability to avoid a crash. An SUV, with
its higher weight and centre of gravity, is way less controllable, especially
in an emergency. Thank physics again. Now give it a quick thought: compare the
number of times when you actually crashed with the ones you can remember when you
managed to steer away from one. I’m betting more hits on the last one.
Versatility
For
many, an SUV is the most versatile automotive layout on the business. Sorry,
but that’s also not correct. A Multi-Porpose Vehicle, aka Van, has the edge on
this class. If added with four-wheel drive, it’s totally unbeatable. Nowadays,
you can combine up to 7 seats with a boot capable of carrying more than two
packs of chips, remove most of them for ultimate carrying capacity and all with
better dynamics and lower running costs. They also offer a wide and low boot
access, very useful for loading/ unloading heavy and/ or bulky items. The elegant
and great value SEAT Alhambra comes immediately to mind.
Even
most estate cars are better than an SUV. Don’t ever forget that a Mercedes-Benz
E-Class estate can carry up to five adults plus two children, and while exclusively
carrying the five adults it offers one of the biggest boots on the whole
industry. Don’t need 7 seats? What about a Skoda Superb? In top equipment
level, it really is a superb car.
Economy
Amazingly,
I’ve even heard – from SUVs owners, of course – that their wheels were more
economical than the conventional alternative from the same brand. In one case
that it was even the cheaper alternative. This is a bit like trying to convince
someone that the sun brings daylight, not the moon. To someone who believes
otherwise, of course. It’s impossible.
Today,
almost all SUVs share their platforms and drivetrains with some saloon or
estate car. Most of the smaller ones are even only front wheel drive (!). What
makes them different are the taller side assemblies and taller suspension, so
the car is taller and sits higher, for that rugged look. This, good people, are
bad news for weight and especially aerodynamics. The higher a car sits, as well
as the bigger the frontal area is, the greater drag is. In other words, the
more fuel the engine needs to burn to maintain a set performance, when compared
with the conventional cars. It’s almost like riding a bike while seated versus standing
up, but worse because on the bike there is no extra weight involved.
Regarding
the purchasing price, the SUV will never ever going to be cheaper, as it’s
currently the best way to make big profits from a small investment. All car
manufacturers know this, hence milking the trend. It’s the only way Nissan can
have a similar profit margin per car as BMW has for a 5-Series, two classes
below the latter and with a comparatively non-existent brand image.
We
need to stop being selfish and only worry about our one-metre wide bubble.
If
everyone chose a car based on how well it fares on a collision with others, we
would start seeing more Mercedes Unimogs on the roads. And later on perhaps
road-legal war tanks, to have the edge over Unimogs… Luckily, oil will last
forever and most countries from where it comes from are heaven on earth, so
it’s fine.
Come
on people. I’m not being communist; it’s just that it’s time to use the brain
for a change.
Comments